When Bill Wyman penned Si Si Je Suis un Rockstar he probably didn't consider his disco in Battersea taking place at the Crystal Bar. Nor would be, but as we were staying at the hotel Rafayel for our Wandsworth crawl, the Crystal Bar which is part of that hotel seemed like a good place to start drinking. As one might expect it was overpriced and there was no proper beer, but there was quite a good riverside patio which went some way to redeeming it. Nevertheless, we only stayed for one.

The bar that we were most intent on visiting required a walk, a bus and another walk at Clapham Junction. This was the famed 70s themed King of Ladies Man which, although having no draft beer is actually a superb venue done out in a trendy manner but fortunately quirky and interestingly enough to be tolerable, especially as it was mid-afternoon when we visited. An example of this is the room full of washing machines; another was a display case containing one of those lovely mid-70s Top of the Pops albums with a lady in a bikini on the front. Although cocktails, albeit good ones, are the speciality, there are some interesting canned beers, and we actually decided to stay for a second despite elevated prices.

The Northcote is one of a growing stable of Geronimo pubs which purport to something a little grander than the environs of Clapham Junction. Having said that, it was still in the tried and trusted Geronimo mould with plenty of posters saying witty ditties such as 'Keep Calm and Drink Beer' and the like, and a safe and reasonably welcoming clientele. The beer selection is always pretty good, with London Fields, Doom Bar, Hummingbird and Northcote Blonde available and in good form.

A short train ride on the London Overground followed a bit of a dash to the station, and we were soon across the Thames and in Chelsea Harbour at the Waterside very close to Imperial Wharf station. This was a sprawling, smart, light and airy Young's pub with plenty of nice seats indoors and out though with that slightly formulaic feel that a newbuild pub seems to achieve so well. Still, not a bad spot at all and we could have stayed for a few if we weren't in a hurry. Beer choices were Young's Bitter, Hummingbird and Rosie's Pig Cider.

The Sands End not far away is a much more historic pub, yet gastro (Pub and 'Kitchen') in nature, so has its own, different, shortcomings. It is stereotypically shabby chic gastro with mismatched wooden chairs and old school desks. It also does very expensive artisan Scotch eggs. Having said all that it has ample room for drinkers too and we had a choice of Sussex, Truman Runner or Truman Swift in decent condition and a pleasant place to drink at least before all the braying twats arrive.

A short bus ride to Wandsworth followed which despatched us somewhere on the gyratory system with the nearest watering hole being the Ship. This was an absolutely heaving Young's pub with outside seating areas, outside bar and actually not that many people indoors, possibly because there was not that much furniture in there. We had a typically Young's choice of Wandle, Young's Bitter and Special and London Gold, which we proceeded to drink on the periphery of the outside drinking area overlooking the Thames. Not an especially decent place to be on a day like that though might have been nicer if quieter. Walking into Wandsworth a much better Salt of the Earth pub was found in the form of the much smaller and quieter Royal Standard. This only had one beer, but it was very well kept Castle Rock. They seemed to have the lights on too much and it was absolutely baking in there so we stood outside. I am not quite sure how the place survives if that is all it gets on a Saturday evening, but it was one of the best of the day in my opinion. Maybe it gets busier when there is sport on.

Very close by was the much more gastro styled Alma, a much busier Young’s establishment with expensive food and a reasonable if not exciting standard offering of Wandle, Bitter, Special and Gold. Nice and safe but a bit predictable: website has close up pictures of food served on slates for example. The Grapes is yet another Young’s pub, this time only doing Bitter and Special, but a much more traditional boozer with top quality beer, leather upholstery and plush red carpets. The Gents' toilet was also recorded as being excellent so presumably it has a trough. We actually decided to sit in the garden in a lovely little wooden booth. Highly recommended.

Last stop of the day was the East Hill down a side street which we got to not much before 11, and it was emptying out a little. It was another Geronimo and our choice may have been influenced by one of Richard's challenges that weekend. Rather predictable decor with trendy/quirky fixtures and fittings in stripped pine or pastel paint. A decent place to drink though and a grand building, I would not be at all disappointed if it were my local. In the end we sat outside and enjoyed a selection of beer that in addition to Doom Bar and Wandle, also offered more off the wall choices of Truman Lazarus and Adnam’s Fat Sprat.

Although I was scheduled to drive the following day, we still managed to engineer quite a crawl and Richard dragged himself up to London to partake in that. Before Richard arrived, some lunch was called for at the Duke of Wellington, a homely pub close to Sloane Square selling Shepherd Neame products: Spitfire, Masterbrew, Solstice. Very traditional and wooden with a horseshoe shaped bar and a rather large group spanning the generations who were in our way as we squeezed by to get to the toilet. Nice though and worth revisiting, perhaps to settle into. The Antelope is a similar pub not that far away but in the Fuller's stable, selling London Pride, HSB, Seafarers and Butcombe Rare Breed. A little trendier perhaps and a little more room, Richard joined us here and had a lager in a most impressive glass.

A less traditional pub that smelt of sewers, the Belgravia, was stopped at as we progressed towards Victoria station. It's nice enough for those nearby, especially if you like Sky Sports, but is not particularly cosy, so we sat outside to enjoy the sun and the smell. They did at least have Doom Bar and Young's Bitter on tap. Of equal, or perhaps less, footing for completely different reasons was the Thomas Cubitt. This was far too gastro, and was heaving in a Summer Sunday lunchtime with rows of benched diners shoehorned in. We had no option but to stand at the bar and have halves of Topee or Copper which were at least interesting, but the constant coming and going of waiting staff and drone of middle class diners was most off-putting. Avril's cider lasted no time at all so that the toilets could be sampled and at least they were not bad.

Yet another shit pub reared its head with the Travellers’ Tavern next to Victoria. This was a typical adjacent to station Taylor Walker affair with uninspired careworn carpets, framed prints, dado rail and chipped furniture. Heavily tattooed Crack addicts and beggars seemed to be a dominant demographic amongst the clientele. Three beers - London Pride, Hobgoblin, Bombardier - but nothing to write home about in terms of quality or variety.

We would not normally venture into a Balls Brothers, but the heavens had opened and I had to switch to halves of lager shandy, so this was adjudged a legitimate move on this day. A bonus was that Matteo from Benidorm was having a drink in there with someone or other. We stayed and tried not to stare, but you can only stay for long in a place like this with no beer.

After a quick walk past Buckingham Palace, the Phoenix was the next stop and as I had been there already in the year, I opted for non-alcoholic beer. It was a Geronimo Inn and Richard tried to take advantage of whatever challenge he was doing with those pubs that day. Being a Sunday there were many non-pubgoers dining, but as long as you didn't trip over them, the Wandle, Young's Bitter, Honey beer and Kazbek were by all accounts in reasonable condition.

The next pub was the Sam Smith’s Windsor Castle where fortunately I had the option of some 2.8% beer which did not interfere at all with driving responsibilities. This pub was splendid in a traditional Sam Smiths mould, but deathly quiet and we could have a conversation with the Canadian barmaid. Had there been a few more people, and if I was not driving, I would have settled in for a few more easy milds. Last pub of the day was the Jugged Hare which we have been to before. It's a Fuller's place constructed in what we discovered was an old bank and very regal too. Pleasant enough, soft drinks for me, but Summer Ale, London Pride and Seafarers were on for those drinking, which I hope to be in here at some point in the future!