Avril and I decided that it would be quite a nice idea to go for a spur of the moment trip to Cologne to celebrate New Year. A hastily arranged booking via Lastminute.com later, and we were on our way! Arriving on the 30th, we decided to concentrate on sightseeing activities so only managed a couple, the first being a cafe like establishment called Cappu Vino situated on a corner. It was OK, but more geared to coffee drinkers though there were a couple of people drinking the local beer, a light and refreshing lager type thing called Kölsch; as we shall see, the German purity laws being what they are, it is very easy to consume vast quantities of this with few hangover consequences.

Weinhaus Brungs was the next stop. A good description of this place is a German bistro-pub. The interior is magnificent, very ornate and old-fashioned, the German equivalent of a very atmospheric pub. In fact there is even a gallery floor that affords views down below. The purpose of the establishment now though is largely to serve meals, and very good ones they do too, though it is also possible to get a decent bit of beer. In a surprisingly uncontinental bit of styling, the toilets are very good. I also believe that there is some sort of cellar bar where one can have a few in more relaxed surroundings. The upper part of the hostelry is definitely to be counted though as some fellow drinkers did not order any food at all. Time was getting on and we were getting tired, so as we were making our way to the platform at the main station, I took the liberty of having a small glass at one of the group of quite tatty and formulaic bars below the platforms. The chosen bar was Kolsch Treff, though given the surly service and shitty premises, it could pretty much have been any one of them...

The next day we decided to be a little more adventurous and get a shed load done because it was New Year's Eve, or Sylvester as the Germans like to call it for no particular reason. In order to break ourselves in gently we had a swift couple of small Kolsches at the Holiday Inn hotel bar, known as Munchausen's bar, which barely had staff, let alone customers, but was at least quite comfortable and generously wooden panelled inside. After a pleasant train ride and brief walk past the wind swept Cathedral (a picture below), we decided to get a spot of lunch at an establishment on the Alter Markt. Papa Joe's was an excellent pub, with a number of cosy nooks and crannies and a rather traditional looking bar and I think that there was even some poor quality folky type music now and again. The beer selection was good and we had a couple to wash down our lunches of sausage, cabbage and potato. Kolsch was obviously on, but I think that there was quite a tasty dark mild-like beer as well as some pleasingly good large glasses of Erdinger Dunkel Weis which is somewhat cloudier and very satisfying. The Kolsch of choice was Gaffel.

Across the square was the Corkonian, a rather standard Irish bar with a bit of beer and some ex pats but with no tourist value whatsoever. Later in the evening, I expect that it would have filled with the pissed English so we decided not to make a return there. At this point, we were still quite sober, so we thought that we'd go for a little walk to see whether there were any shops open, but sadly there were not. We did however manage to get, at some stage I do not quite remember, a very tasteful picture of a projection onto the ground wishing all and sundry a Happy New Year which was nice, especially as it was in a number of languages.

Normal ale service was eventually resumed in a quiet bar called the Rathausglöckchen, and we actually stayed for two as they gave out large free bowls of nibbles that we enjoyed whilst perched on some stools. It was also here that we caught our first glimpse of the 'meter' of beer, a structure that can only be described as a giant test tube rack filled with about ten or eleven 0.2l sized glasses of Kolsch. Some lads on an adjacent table were ploughing through one. We decided to make sure that we did the same later on. The bar hadn't really got any busier, and though it was pleasant, we decided to move on to the next port of call, via the banks of the Rhein which I have a poor quality picture of below.

This was the somewhat boisterous Bier Museum which did at least have a very many varieties of beer, quite a lot of which were on draught, the rest in bottles and all varieties were displayed on wipe clean laminated menus. A shame really as the selection was magnificent. We found a quieter table towards the back of the pub and avoided eye contact with a mad woman who was milling around the pub. The grandest feature was in actual fact the stairway down to the toilets which I believe was a stone spiral staircase. Nonetheless, it did have by far the best range of beer (from all over the world) that evening and I would recommend it for a repeat visit, especially as it is in a distinctly more touristy area. Across the way was the Braustuffje which was a pub that outrageously charged for the use of the toilet a whole 50 Euro cents. Fortunately I had been previously, so this was not too much of a problem. It wasn't even as though the pub was anything special. True, it was quite smart, but it had a very limited range of beer and spirits. The design of the bar was the only thing of note - quite an ornate wooden thing with curved frontage and racks for glasses above. But this did not justify the pay toilet. Having said that, if one had a cast iron bladder, it would have been an agreeable place to spend the evening.

Im Martinswinkel also had an interestingly shaped bar, but was not charging for the use of the toilet. Their bar was quite low with a padded edge I think and was convenient for people to sit around. I recollect vaguely (for the memory was beginning to go at this point) that there were a good few beers on, and that there were free nibbles provided at the tables. The bar itself was quite modern and bright inside, and had a very relaxed welcoming atmosphere. We couldn't stay for long because I have a feeling that they were shortly to sling people out for a function. Travelling via some sort of Christmassy German wall plaque, which may have had some sort of poignant meaning, lost on us non-German speakers, we happened upon a lively restaurant sort of place, the Altstadtkrone, with bright tables and oompah band loving middle aged Germans having a whale of a time. Fortunately they had actually stopped doing food, so could concentrate on their albeit limited array of beer which was served in a glass covered in dirt, probably of the lipstick variety. Our visit was brief. Of note was the downstairs toilet reached by a flight of stone steps.

Time to head back inland and away from the banks of the Rhine and a stop at the amusingly named Clamotte, a very busy and packed pub with loads of pissed punters and even a bouncer or two on the door. Once again, though the logistics of checking were difficult, it appeared that the beer selection was not up to much, and we did not particularly like being bumped around by Germans in their 30s and 40s who were stoned and listening to Europop. By this time I had to navigate my way through the milling throng to the toilet. This task formed the bulk of the time spent in this pub; we necked our Kolsch and were soon on our way. Canape on the Alter Markt main drag was equally busy though filled with a more refined crowd. I think Avril may have had a shot of spirits in here, or maybe not, this place was really nt worth the stay. Actually I might have had two in here for no reason, why on earth did I do that? We had actually come here from across the road where we had been waiting to be seated in a restauranty type place and could not be arsed to remain any longer despite the fact that we had ordered some beer.

At Christmas time, Cologne has an outdoor ice rink and despite our diminished sobriety, we felt that we really should take the opportunity to skate. Avril was moderately good, but I was shit. As I had managed to put wrongly sized boots on badly, things were doomed from the start so we soldiered round a couple of times then decided that as it was 11pm we should make our way to a pub for New Year. Memo's was one of the emptier ones and we actually managed to get a very well placed table. Despite the less crowded surroundings, the atmosphere was lively and boisterous, and during the evening we managed to chat with a couple of British ex-pats and a guy who was wearing one of those emu costumes a la Bernie Clifton. We also managed to get a metre of beer down ourselves before midnight which seemed like a sensible idea at the time as we anticipated staying for an hour or so. These contain eleven 0.2l sized glasses of Kolsch for about 10 Euros which is a very good deal. Rather foolishly, we finished ours pre midnight and so decided not to have a single glass post midnight, but another metre. With this we not only managed to get ourselves to advanced levels of pissedness, but also managed to miss the last train to the hotel, get a taxi and have a thoroughly wretched trip home the next morning on the 0720 flight upon which I was still inebriated. I also managed to make a fool of myself in the hotel and at airport check in. The only consolation was that the hangover was in the category 'non-existent to mild'. Having said that, it was a magnificent trip, despite the memory loss in the lattermost stages and one that I will remember fondly for a long time. However I will also try to remember to be sensible when there is a flight to be caught early the next morning...